Here it is, the longest quest in /v/scape.
Starting the Quest
Speak the Cook in the Lumbridge kitchen.
Completion of Cook's Assistant, Fishing Contest, Goblin Diplomacy, Big Chompy Bird Hunting, Murder Mystery, Nature Spirit, Witch's House, Gertrude's Cat, Shadow of the Storm, The Lost City, Legends Quest, Shilo Village, Underground Pass, Monkey Madness, Desert Treasure, and Horror From The Deep.
130+ Quest Points (needs confirmation, subject to change)
Eye of newt
A fruit blast (cannot be premade)
About 400 coins
3x buckets of milk
Bowl of water
Any dye (except red, yellow, or orange)
A bucket of water
Pestle and mortar
x3 Bronze Wire
Several bowls of stew (10 or so)
Raw chompy (bring several if your cooking is shit)
Ball of wool
Ogre bow and ogre arrows
Anti-dragon shield (or DFS)
Monkey nuts (bought on Ape Atoll)
Part I: The Chef
Eye of newt
Talk to the Cook in the Lumbridge kitchen. Ask him if he needs any more help, and he'll tell you of his plight. A group of influential people from across /v/scape are meeting, and he needs to make a feast for them. Being the unreliable chucklefuck that he is, he needs your help. He needs you to gather the above ingredients.
Easy enough, just gather the ingredients. The fruit blast cannot be bought from the gnomes- you need to make it yourself. Mix the ashes into it when you're done to get a dirty blast. Give them to the cook. Congratulations! Quest complete. Go throw away the other items, you won't need them anymore.
1 Quest Point
Access to the Culinaromancer's Chest in the Lumbridge basement.
Part II: Serving the Council
Gasp! It turns out that the feast the cook made actually reversed a food-based spell meant to trap a dastardly wizard specializing in food spells, the Culinaromancer. He's attacked the council, but luckily the old gypsy stopped time and probably stole a baby or something to give you time to gather the council member's favorite dishes.
To start any subquest, first inspect the frozen council member. The Gypsy will state what dish they need to be saved. The subquests can be done in any order and at any time. You could do all eight at once if you want, you madman.
Part III: The Ultimate Showdown
Now that you've saved all the council members, the Gypsy will unfreeze time. Noticing your actions, the Culinaromancer will be enraged and flee into an alternate dimension, leaving behind a convenient portal to it. However, there is a catch:
In the alternate dimension, prayers will not work, and if you die you will not be able to retrieve your items. Plan accordingly.
Despite this, you may still leave the fight at any time should it be to much to restock on food/potions. You will return to whatever monster you left off on.
To finish the job, you'll need:
Once you've adequately stocked up on gear, enter the portal and get ready to fight. All monsters (save for the penultimate one) should be able to go down with melee relatively easily.
Your first opponent will be Agrith-Na-Na, a banana-based version of Agrith-Naar, the demon from Shadow of the Storm. While somewhat powerful, he is relatively minor in the threats you'll be facing. Kill him and move on to the next opponent.
Next up in Flambeed, a delicious reskin of Fareed from Desert Treasure. While he can hit hard, he's not quite as tough as Fareed was. Normal melee should be enough to dispatch of him.
In the next corner is Karamel, a reskin of Kamel. Karamel can still freeze you in place like Kamel, hits rather quickly, and can hit hard. Make sure your food stocks are good enough to keep up with his damage.
After Karamel goes down, Dessourt moves in. Being a reskin of Dessous, he will hit rapidly for 10 damage every so often. Tank the hits the best you can and keep your health up. He should go down rather quickly.
Second-to-last is the Gelatinnoth Mother, a gelatin-based reskin of the Dagannoth Mother from Horror from the Deep. Her weaknesses still remain the same, so memorize what she's weak to while a certain color. Bring your best-healing foods for this fight, as the Gelatinnoth Mother hits fast and hits very, very hard. (She can deal up to 40 damage via two 20-damage splats.) Tuna potatoes and/or Saradomin potions with super restores are your best bets for this fight. Heal as quickly as you can and keep on top of your health first and foremost. Once you bring this jiggling pile of death down, only one monster remains.
The Culinaromancer himself will come to finish you off. While he is relatively weak compared to the Gelatinnoth Mother, he can hit hard too. Don't let your guard down and just whip him until he's toast.
Watch the Culinaromancer literally burst, and you've finally completed the quest!
Quest complete! Enjoy your snazzy new Quest Cape (at least until the next quest is released.)
1 Quest Point (for 10 Quest Points total)
A lamp worth 20,000 xp in a skill of your choice
Full access to the Culinaromancer's chest